(Note: A few weeks ago, one of my followers on Tumblr asked me to break down my goals and motivations for Cupid’s sex scene. I plan on posting up more analyses/breakdowns like these on Patreon. So if you’re interested in this sort of stuff, let me know! There will be spoilers here, so if you aren’t done/haven’t played Cupid, skip this article.)
Anonymous asked: I read chapter 4 of Cupid 3 days ago, and the sex scene (you know the one) left me distraught ever since. I didn’t realize until just now that the way it was written caused the reader to experience more pain than they otherwise would have if reading something like a rape scene. What was it like writing that scene? I’m not angry with you for putting it into the game (It was well written) but why did you write it? What exactly did you want to achieve with that scene? Was it inspired by other works?
Ame says: Great question, Anon. I apologize for any negative feelings you got from the scene, but if it’s any consolation, it was meant to be the climax of Cupid (pun not intended), and it was by no means gratuitous. One of the goals of the scene was to paint Guilleme in a different light and to change the characters’ relationships with each other, changing the audience’s opinion along as well.
As you play the game, you get the sense that something is definitely “wrong” with Gilly but you’re not sure what. The sex scene is the reveal of just how dark he is and how far he has fallen. It is also meant to show that Guilleme is a frightening being. He is a creature of Love, but just how fearsome a creature like that could be, someone who can manipulate you into giving up everything and make you believe you wanted to, a mirror of an abusive relationship.
In many media, especially romance, the broken male lead is often sympathetic and salvageable, keeping up the illusion for the female audience that they can still “save” him or “he is not too bad”. This prompts fans to downplay the characters’ faults. I don’t support this idea because it is not often the case in reality. People have to save themselves. It’s not up to another, not even a romantic partner, to save them. In Cupid, I wanted to stress the fact that Guilleme is a broken character and unless he chooses to save himself (End 1), the only salvation he deserves is death (End 2, the true end). The sex scene also shows he feels remorse and guilt for his actions, but he cannot stop himself. This gives him more dimension as the villain. Throughout the writing process, I likened Guilleme’s situation to that of an addict, how an addiction can destroy not only the person, but also their loved ones. And that’s exactly what Guilleme is; an addict. He justifies his cravings, tells himself to stop “but he can’t help it”, thinks he’s a victim, feels remorse but no desire to change, selfish and has a false sense of control.
My goals for the scene was to make it tragic, sensual and descriptive. Something else is happening other than the sex. Something more intangible and unexplainable. I wanted to make the scene pivotal and beautiful in its tragedy. Catherine’s demise must be worthy to write to give credence to her character, and Guilleme’s revelation must both be heartbreaking and unnerving. If I were to water down the scene, then Guilleme’s tragedy, Catherine’s death, Rosa’s purpose, and even Mother’s abusive protectiveness would all fall flat. There would be no conflict in the story. Mother was abusive and cruel, but she knew Rosa might end up like Guilleme and she wanted to do everything in her power to stop it, even if it includes being manipulative and controlling.
There might be a lot of inspirations, and I probably wouldn’t be able to pinpoint them all (I’ve read and written my fair share of erotica lol), but I guess one of biggest would be Bilquis’ feeding scenes from Neil Gaiman’s American Gods. That scene packs a punch. When I read it, I remember feeling disturbed and a little dirty (also a little turned on? lol). Writing the Cupid scene, I just thought about the concept “How would sex with a god feel like?” It’s probably going to be terrifying and not at all fun for the human. I thought that the scene would have to transcend the human realm and cross over to abstraction, hence I heightened the descriptive language.
So that’s it. If you want to ask more questions to understand the scene better, please feel free to do so. Or if you wish to talk more about how this scene made you feel, you can PM me privately and I’d be happy to chat with you about it.